My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness

I apologise in advance for how long this is. A day after reading it and I'm still not sure how to feel about it. It's partially a sad story, partially in happy, in that she has a lot of issues and things she struggles with, but happy in that she starts to understand and/or make progress. While her issues and illnesses and thoughts are all intertwined, I felt like there was a lot going on and it was difficult to process, despite having some of the same issues. I'm not a fan of the art style. I don't hate it, but I don't like it that much.The other day I spoke about how much I loved the pink in "If you could see love". This has a similar thing (but with MUCH more pink), but I don't the effect is as good. The audience for this is people questioning their sexuality, those with mental health issues, or those who perhaps have never been in a relationship. (I wouldn't necessarily recommend it to everyone in those groups though) It casts quite a large net, which is both good, but as mentioned earlier, can lead to a lot going on. Considering how personal the story is, I feel like we are missing some information - her therapist (seen once) appeared useless (why was she forced to check out books by herself to start to come to an understanding about herself?), and did her family not try to help her? What about her friends? (Also, who ARE her family and friends? They have no personality) I understand there are cultural elements at play, but I also have a degree in psychology, have mental health issues, am roughly the same age, am bisexual/lesbian (still working that out lmao), and have lived in Japan, so some of the parts just did not mesh with my lived experiences, those of people I know and just... seemed off? I'm not doubting these things happened to her, and she's more than welcome to keep her life private, it just made things difficult for me to understand. While I can relate to some of the issues and situations, I can't relate to her. Shout out to her for actually writing this though - she is using a pen name (as said in the manga), and publishing on the net ensured privacy (not needing to do face to face meetings with publishers etc), which obviously changed as the idea gained traction. So yes, she is able to protect her identity and live a normal life to a degree (I would not be comfortable publishing something like this with my real name!), but at the same time, it means her parents etc would never read it (not that they seem like that type of people), but combined with what I understood, she'd also never tell them the truth of how hurt she was, so I feel like things are just going to repeat with their relationship... It takes a lot to speak about these things in Japan, but I also feel like that is changing. There was a lot of "how was this not thought of before", "why didn't anyone see this", "how did you come to this conclusion" type of questions for me - they can all be answered as "we're all different". Valid. However, I don't understand her thought/feeling process, which made it difficult for me to relate. Some of the narrative felt too rambly/like a stream of consciousness for me; which would make sense since it was originally published on pixiv, but when put into a book, the effect is different. A bit more depth would have been amazing. Having more variety in the panel work would also have helped, as it blended together (dialogue bubbles are often in the same place each panel, so there is no variety). A short note: I read the English version and I wonder how many of my issues with this relate to translation? For example, when she was working and eating yam cakes. The heck are those? Why do they have water? (Inspect image closer) ohhhh! She's eating konnyaku! Completely different things, so I wonder how often translation choices like that affected my understanding of the manga. I did enjoy how frank she is about all of these difficult topics. I enjoyed the hotel scenes - the different ladies taught her different things. I really didn't like was the Freudian thoughts of her desire to be held by women, apparently caused by her clinginess to her mother (which she also says is related to domestic abuse, though she says she never experienced any). She seems to relate this to her being a lesbian as well. These ideas seem to be the first thing that "made sense" to her, but really don't when you think about them, but it seems like she was happy to have an answer so didn't think about it further. Up until then I quite enjoyed the story, but that threw me way off. I feel like it could adversely affect younger/impressionable readers as well (you know how when people see stuff on tiktok and instantly believe it? Like that, but in a sense worse as people tend to believe the written word more, especially when the book is based on serious issues her life story, therefore people will say everything she says is true. I see some of this in reviews, saying it is a must read for whatever group or its something that affects everyone universally, or that "in the manga, she said (issue) comes from (reason), which is true", when the reality is that people are so very different and things like sexuality and mental health issues are never "caused" by one thing. The fact that it was about her wanting to be held as well, I found the book to be less about coming to terms with being a lesbian (to the point where the title is almost misleading), and more about wanting to have a place to belong (which she discusses) and having positive physical contact with people. I feel some of the content warnings aren't true, and are maybe from people who have read her other works? I would like to read her other works in order to understand her more, and I'd also like to reread this one, maybe in a year or so, to see if I get it more. I wanted to like this a lot more than I did. Please note that I am not rating the author's life - the rating is a reflection on how it was told (artwork and 'story'), and that reading this book in any language other than the original Japanese could lead to some different ideas/thoughts (translator word choice, bias, our own cultural bias etc) than what the author desired.

This piece is a beautiful, non-fiction, autobiographical manga by a woman who must learn how to respect and care for herself, and leave her rut of self-loathing, poor eating habits, crippling anxiety and depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts. The crux of all these problems and how she must overcome them is an interaction with a lesbian prostitute. Story - 9 This woman has lived one goddamned interesting life. While not for everyone - it's possibly the most subjective story I've ever read - it can be truly life-changing if you find yourself able to connect and relate to the writer and her struggles. It captures mentalhealth in a way rarely seen, and terrifically accurate from a victim's standpoint, and can be either a horrific view into the mind of a victim, or for a victim reader can be a life-changing explanation for the mess going on in one's mind. Viewing the author's growth as a person able to live a happy, healthy life is just as wonderful, being both deeply inspiring and a literary payoff for the suffering the reader sees her go through earlier. Overall, a fantastic insight to mental health and just a plain interesting biography. Art - 8 While remarkably simple, the art is a joy to look at. The - albeit small - palette is very pleasing, and the chibi aesthetic the artist uses can really help the reader through some of the more emotionally taxing portions of this - admittedly short - series. My only real gripe is the overbearing use of text within drawings to convey meaning, though this is honestly little more than a nitpick. While a more realistic style may have fit this more, the chibi look is both visually pleasing and makes it a much less difficult read. Characters - 10 While there aren't many characters, and none are really focused on outside of the author, this author is so beyond interesting that it more than makes up for the vagueness of her family's personalities, or the friends that are only mentioned and never shown. A completely verbatim telling of one person's mindset over a ten year period makes for something far greater than it might have been were side characters focused on more turning the protagonist into little more than "a depressed person." Enjoyment - 7 Most of this is just plain depressing, if not more interesting than fun. There's some good humour, and endearing dialogue be it narration or actual conversation, but overall you will be much more enthralled by the psychological aspects than the humour. Overall - 9 If this story or person sound at all relatable or interesting to you, I couldn't recommend this enough. I may have the bias of basically being an emotional clone of this author, but even when casting that bias aside this was a damned beautiful ride, and certainly short enough to not regret reading.

TL;DR Review: Story - 8: Story about finding where to belong in life, the story allows you to understand the minds of those who are mentally ill in a deep, but simple way. Art - 8: Unique and good art with a duotone of white and peach pink for colours. Character - 9: Real characters with real experience, all the better with non-melodramatic actions. Enjoyment - 7: A good short story that could have been better. Overall - 8.0 (8) Full Review: So, I'm not going to lie. I didn't understand this story half the time when I was reading this. I couldn't understand why the main character, Kabi Nagata, had avery simple goal she wanted to achieve but went through some major changes in mindset through the thinnest of connections between her previous ideas and her current ideas. More or less the question, "how did she get from there to there?" was at thought quite a bit. Though, despite this, I had already understood that different humans do different things. Whilst so of us are logical and straightforward, others are irrational and emotional. It doesn't even stop there, some of us lie somewhere in the middle, or not on the spectrum at all. My Lesbian Experience With Lonelinessis a good representation of one of the varieties of ways different people handle things, some will understand her methods, some will not, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that it is a story of how people handle things in life, more specifically mental illnesses and life issues. Story - 8: The story follows the protagonist Kabi Nagata as she finishes high school and graduates, heading into the real world, which requires her to be a useful member of society. In these events, she spirals down towards her impending depression as a college dropout, she also places a lot of effort to make her parents proud, though she suffers a lot due to her incapabilities to do so. In this time, however, she beings to understand that this goal is not for her, which instead, had been crushing her. And looks for a solution in which she can find a place in which she belongs. This is a very original story of how people deal with mental health and the future they need to secure. What I also like about the story is that it wasn't understandable to me at times, it goes to show that irrationality in humans can honestly be such a big mystery that affects us day in, day out without any realisation of how large it does so. As a logical thinker, the story has shown me that although we cannot comprehend all others, we do need to respect them, as well, in the story Kabi does hire a prostitute just to find the place where they feel they belong to most. We as humans, cannot simply exist, we must have some reason or belonging to dwell in, otherwise, you just become an empty shell. Art - 8: The art was pretty good, it wasn't something I had seen beforehand, it looked like something out of an independent YouTube animation. Though saying that, the aesthetics were original and it was indeed nice to look at, it really did look a lot like someone was indeed struggling in life. There is also quite a bit of cartoony duotone used with white and peach pink, which isn't something you see in manga all the time, giving it this colour scheme felt fitting for the story. Character - 9: The problem with most stories and characters is that when they try to dive into the realm of despair and depression, it suddenly becomes something melodramatic, it's not always seen however simply because it's deceptive. I can think of a few stories that are well in this, though, that isn't the same for Kabi. Yes, she is a real character based on real things, so unrealistic/far-fetched probabilities stay unrealistic/far-fetched. But it goes to show that it doesn't have to be something unrealistic or far-fetched all the time, there is greatness in simple bases. As I have said before, Kabi is a real character, with real-life experiences, whilst some can understand and some others don't, all in all, everything about her is real and believable. Other characters didn't have much real meaning other than a way to push Kabi forward as she tries to find her place in life. Enjoyment - 7: I couldn't really understand half the story, but it didn't matter to me since the message has been received on my end. It was a good read, though it could have been better. I mean, the real-life perspective of this spans over a very long time, so it could have been longer. But it's not something I'd stress about since it being short also meant that unnecessary plot is not included. Overall: 8.0 (8) This was a first for me in reading an autobiography in manga format, it was a cool experience and something that I would probably do again, I would recommend this manga if you are into something deep, though simple. It is certainly something I would tell people not to skip over.