First Love: Anata ga Watashi wo Sabishiku Saseru

"Lonely...Empty... Sorrow...Sadness..Helpless... This 'me' only hopes that a person will need me, more than he needs anyone else." I honestly think what attracted me to this manhwa was the sadness in those words. Thinking that somewhere someone is feeling it, even if it wasn’t me at the moment. It always gives me a sort of melancholic feel when I read stories like these. This one in particular is about Azayoshi, a girl who feels lost and neglected. Who finds refuge in sleeping with random men for money. Don’t let what she does on her free time fool you, she is smart and a top student ather school. Her mom doesn’t know of what she does and believes her daughter as long as she brings home good grades. On a regular, no special day, her life sucks a little more when her mother introduces Azayoshi to her new boyfriend, who happens to be a paying client… When does the dashing prince come in to save our damsel in distress? Soon, but he’s not so much a prince as a regular guy. Which is fine because she’s just a regular girl. But what happens when the prince is just as screwed up as the girl. What happens when he needs saving too? I first picked it up because of the title, thinking that it told a sweet story of a girl falling in love for the first time, all happy and deluded. Sure, love can be painful but no one expects their first love to be so… broken. Then I remembered that she wasn’t an ordinary Jane, she was “dirty” in her eyes and she deserved to feel it. What I realized is that this could be story of the girl heroines hate. The one that “steals” boyfriends and is known as a whore or slut. But that wouldn’t have been completely accurate because, then who was the other girl? The girl that made her life miserable. Unexpectedly so, the story takes us on a ride and we see her life. Unedited. The cruelty of the world is not new for her, or she thinks it isn't. The people around her, that share her space, aren’t happy go lucky people that turn a blind eye to what she does, who she is. Life doesn’t turn a blind eye. The art had no humor, like the manga, only sadness. It was clean and precise as if the author was giving all her attention to her characters and their story. It isn't beautiful... I think this is always the part that stumps me, how do you explain art? By the strokes and each perfected line or by the beauty in the characters eyes that gave them life? It has both in this one. It does lack background detail. I noticed more towards the end where there sometimes wasn't much of any, giving it an empty feeling where feelings were suppose to be, giving it a sort of detachment to the scene. More often than not, the characters are more raw than pretty. They give off a sort of real feel to them, as if steeping out of the page wouldn't be too weird. Although you wouldn't want them to since, as I will state in the next sentence, they're asses who deserve to get shot in the foot, at least. The characters are mostly despicable human beings in this one (like I not so eloquently mentioned above). Except for a few (no ore than three) and some who don’t get enough lines to matter. Most are egotistical rats who only want to be happy themselves not caring about who the hurt in the process. Gotta love selfishness. Azayoshi isn’t a happy girl, she isn't even a nice girl sometimes, but that’s one of her charms. If she were, her personality would have been completely different and utterly boring. She isn’t afraid to speak up for herself and more importantly she wants someone to save her, from herself. I am trying to figure out as I write if my problem was with the story or with the characters and I think it was the latter. Not a problem per-say either more like a justified disdain. The remorse some characters gave off felt fake, as if it was expected at the end so that the manga would wrap up nicely. It’s suppose to be a short manga, two volumes, four chapters, but by the time you finish it will feel like much longer. Not because it drags on and on but because the journey the characters take, feels longer. I wasn't too keen on the ending. I dislike lack of explanations, even though some may say to fill in the blank yourself, but I don't always agree with that. Still. Human emotions at their finest and worst.