Until I Love Myself: The Journey of a Nonbinary Manga Artist

What does life tell us? When we write a character study about ourselves? Writing this while still not decided what to rate it. Manga isn't something I'd usually go to for an autobiographical story. There's only one manga that I follow from that regard, “My Solo Exchange Diary”, and the author Kabi Nagata; and in the same vein, this isn't the kind of story you'd find a film about. There's over 8 billion different lives currently happening at this instant, and people being able to express theirs in manga form inspires me like nothing else, specially with stories as necessary as this one. Pesuyama, a non-binary, maleleaning author, suffered from sexual assault in their workspace back in 2013, due to their female body. At a time when laws, the media, the legality, and the social norms weren't as prevalent in protecting the suffering ones. Pesuyama was, at the time, somebody whose experiences had already caused them extreme turmoil, confusion, anger, hatred, not only outwards, but inwards. Damming their existence, damming everybody else around them. A horrible cycle of loneliness, pain, hatred, and their slow way out. It's such an honest portrayal of a human, at least for the moment Pesuyama wrote it in. While, we can always imagine life to be a bit predictable, the way we describe experiences like this is what makes them important. While this is a portrayal of life, it feels like a grander lesson on understanding, on caring about those around us. Respect isn't a hard thing to act out, much less when aware of how our actions affect others. And yes, not even the author is perfect. People have reasons to be horrible to others, and it isn't a justification on bad behavior, but knowledge to be recognized, so we can move forwards, and become better people. The friendships we have, the relationships with our families, are all that hold us up in times of sadness. Life affirming, and equally therapeutic for Pesuyama to have written it. It reinforces my beliefs as a person, and definitely my respect for the surrounding ones. In that regard, the manga succeeds. Now, of course, being an autobiography, and a short one at that, it isn't perfect. There's a messiness with details that (while making the manga more human) undermine a good structure. It embodies the author to a T, since it wasn't at all written with a plan on when it'll end. Like a friend, telling us what's relevant to each piece of a small puzzle, instead of the whole picture. The last chapters delve into a much more personal detail, that connects with their other manga, which I wish was translated somewhere. It's Pesuyama's arc into slowly accepting their body, with some bits and pieces of how their relationships change over time. Their mother, friends, the past, the reminiscence, and how they portray themselves with the limitations of the publishers. It's all about confronting one's demons, and reaching what many would think is an “anti-climactic” resolution. I loved it all the same. The art is simple, expressive, to the point, effective. Text is the most important part in this memoir. I have only praise for this one, and the problems only fill it with earnestness. I hope there's a future where I can read more from the author, and their personal portrayals of life. 8/10. Definitely gotta check out more memoirs, if they're this good.