Yu-Gi-Oh! 3D: Bonds Beyond Time

This movie inspired me. This movie has probably changed my perspective on the world. This movie is so shocking, it needs to be seen to be believed. This is the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life. Story: The story is, in a sentence, non-sensical, plot-hole ridden and stupid beyond comprehension. I find it hilarious the villain's name is Paradox. The writers of this crapfest have probably never seen any piece of fiction or anything involving time travel in their lives. The amount of Time Paradoxes are immense. Sonic 06, eat your heart out. You won't even need to think about it, they're incredibly blatant. Anyone whoseseen Back to the Future will cringe as they break every convention of time travel related story-telling or even just logic. Even so, the plot is almost non-existant. Half of the movie is the climactic duel between the heroes and Paradox. The other half is just them running around, following Paradox through time and watching things explode in gimmicky THREE-DEE. The pacing is all over the map. Fast, then slow, then fast. Then it's over. I still felt like basically nothing had happened. Running, card game, over. Another problem is how cliche it is. If you are an anime fan or a movie buff or anyone who enjoys fiction in general, you will be able to piece this movie together from other (probably better) movies. Just with better character designs and more logic. The writing is shoddy, the dialogue is stilted and bad in both languages. But what really annoys me is that none of this movie makes sense. I've seen some damn stupid movies/movies/books etc. in my day, but this takes the cake, eats it, craps it out and eats it again. Repeating the process ad infinitum. It doesn't matter if you've watched Yu-Gi-Oh!, GX or 5D's, dubbed/subbed or whatever, this movie doesn't add up. The time travel was handled so poorly I can barely comprehend it. And it wraps it up with a forced, awful friendship speech. Gag me with a knife. Art: Yeah, the art in this movie is ridiculous. Yugi's, Yusei and Jaden and basically everyone else all have inane, usually multicoloured, hair. It's so distracting and I have the feeling the author put that in just to make them seem more memorable. All subtlety is lost and Yusei being completely serious while sporting that retarded, crab-like hair was truly surreal. The actual animation wasn't bad. It's not as fluid as it should be and doesn't feel like the step up from the show it should be. It's not KyoAni, it's not Ghibli, it's not BONES, it's just Toei. Sound: The dub is passable. I don't care what you think, it is. If anything, the dub is better than the movie. The sub is alright too, it's not like the movie deserves amazing voice talent. The music is also fine. It hits alright notes when you should be 'feeling' something. I actually had to rely on the music to tell me how to feel. Maybe I just have a dried up apple for a heart. Either way. Character: Just as bad as the story. Any and all characterization relies on you having seen the other three shows. That's fine and all, but it's still gut-wrenchingly awful. These characters are so one-note. They never change in any way. I know it's not impossible to change or at least affect well established characters in long-running Shonen series, watch the sixth One Piece movie if you don't believe me. It's not even fun to watch them. You would think the concept of seeing these three characters just being in the same room would be fun, but they barely interact with each other. That, right there, negates the point of the entire movie. What's the point of Jaden, Yusei and Yugi all being together if they don't interact with each other? That card game and friendship speech just aren't enough. Oh, and I haven't even gotten to Paradox. He is, easily, the worst villain in the history of, not just anime. Not just cinema. Not just animation. But fiction in general. His goal is retarded and vaguely explained. I can't go further because of spoilers, let's just say that when he tells you, your mind will explode. His motivation for wanting his retarded goal is also retarded. Easily the logical lowpoint of the whole movie. And that is saying something. Enjoyment: With the nonsense plot and baffling characters, you would think this movie would hurt to watch it for even a moment. But, you would think wrong. This movie is the greatest thing I've ever seen. It's awful. Definitely. But it smashes the Uncanny Valley so hard I couldn't help but love it. It's not 'So Bad it's Good', that would imply it has redeem qualities story-wise, when it doesn't. It's not 'So Bad it's Horrible', because it isn't painful to watch. This movie is in a class of its own. This movie is condensed nonsense, taking itself seriously and creating a void in logic so deep, that is sucks you in and forces you to laugh. This is honestly, one of the funniest things I've ever seen. You will laugh at the character designs. You will laugh at Paradox's horribleness. You will laugh all through-out the 30 minute long card game to decide the fate of the universe. You will love the nonsense and you will laugh violently when the movie tries to make you feel something through the struggles of these cardboard cut-out characters with dumb hair getting you feel something with their predictable, easily solved because time travel, dilemmas. This movie is so much fun and you shouldn't pass it up. It's still horrible. Don't get me wrong. But it is a special kind of horrible. And that's what this whole movie is. A special kind of horrible. Story: F Characters: F Art: B- Sound: B- Enjoyment: A+ Overall: F