Queen's Blade: The Exiled Virgin

I just bought the North American release of Queen's Blade season 1 and it came with these ''special episodes.'' They were so horrible I had to write a review immediately to save you pain and anguish. I was disappointed on every front (story, art, sound, etc., all of it). It's important to note that this review is for the special episodes of season 1. The special episodes of season 2 are significantly better. [For the record, I enjoy Queen's Blade itself and I gave it 7/10. This is a review from a Queen's Blade fan. Queen's Blade season 2 is in myTop 5 Anime.] -Story- (Each episode is only 2 minutes 40 seconds long) These are Japanese high school parodies of the characters and the world of Queen's Blade. Most characters wear a sailor-style school uniform that matches their original outfits. Instead of a tournament, they attend a high school with giant stone boobs on the entrance wall. The ''story'' comes from a few of the various high school anime cliches that the characters experience, but many cliches are not used. Some of the locations are modern, like the classrooms & hallways, but the outside world and the school exterior match the medieval Queen's Blade world. These ''special'' episodes are horribly directed with weak delivery, and the potentially funny premise is ruined by a lack of imagination and pacing. The whole thing is a mess and it made me cringe in disgust. I've seen high school film projects that are more entertaining than these special episodes. The only thing these parodies have going for them (and I imply this lightly) is an excessive amount of fan service and exploitive camera angles. Oh, and lots of small clothes and bare skin. As a fan of ecchi, fan service and Queen's Blade, I can tell you it's not even worth it and I won't watch these episodes ever again. -Art- Judging by the credits, it seems these episodes were animated by a different studio (not Production ARMS). At first glance, this does not show. Each character's face looks identical to the regular show. Their bodies are a little bit different but not much. Where the difference is really noticeable however is the animation itself. It's some of the worst I've ever seen (and I've seen over 240 anime). Characters hardy move, except for their mouths when they talk. Some character movements are not even shown, rather you hear the sound effects while the camera looks away, implying that the action is taking place as other characters look at this supposed scene, frozen stiff. Most of the shots are barely passable as ecchi still photos. Seeing the characters in school uniforms was kind of amusing the first time. -Sound- Lots of arousing screaming and yelling and moaning as characters fight each other with ambiguous attacks that seem to only do damage to their clothes, leaving their beautiful skin unharmed. That's it for sound. There is no official english dub. -Character- Every character seems like a lesser version of themselves. Their personality is almost gone. They just, do things... Some characters completely lose their traits from the show in order to carry out a parody role. -Enjoyment- The comedy was pretty much nonexistent. The writer(s) failed to utilize the comedy cliches to their full potential, neither did they even try. The only enjoyment you could possibly get out of this is the ecchi shots. Take a picture, it'll last longer. Print it out on 8.5''x11" paper if you need to. -Overall- 1/10 If you're looking for a good ecchi, then just watch the regular show of Queen's Blade. If you're looking for comedy, look somewhere else. There's a truckload of good comedy anime like Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-chan and Ramen Fighter Miki. This idea has potential, but these special episodes nowhere near harnesses that potential. It pains me to think about how badly this set of episodes bombed. Luckily they were short.