Queen's Blade: The Exiled Virgin

Ah yes, good old fashion Queen's Blade. You know, I had considered writing a review about 5 minutes into the first episode but I have a code of honour. I cannot write a review unless I have seen the whole thing, and so I have watch the whole thing so that I may write this review... Would someone please come to my house and stab me several times in the face?... No of course not, you damned "sanctity of human life" pricks. Let's get this over with. Story 1/10: In a world where metal ore is extremely rare crafting armor has become a very expensive task,most blacksmiths can only forge tiny bits of armor such as a bra without going bankrupt and only a few nobles can purchase these armors. Enter Artorius, an aspiring young blacksmith with a dream, to acquire the funds to craft a full practical suit of armor by descending into a hellish underworld... Alright alright! The real plot is a bunch of female fighters have to go to the Queen's Capital to take part in a tournament that will crown the next Queen of apparently the whole world, the queen of course being the strongest and most beautiful (apparently you can be the strongest warrior in all the land, but if you're ugly you can just piss off, I can't be the only who thinks my plot idea was better?). As you can tell the plot is kinda shit, it does serve one purpose though, get a bunch of chicks to knock their armor off in combat and then jiggle around a lot, yeah the plot is a thinly veiled excuse to have half naked girls fighting each other, it's like a fifteen year old got a mad lib (adventure-fantasy addition) and every word he used was tits and ass, and they decided to make an anime out of it. Art 3/10: Let's see. Generic template used for all the character so they not only look almost exactly the same compared to each other but all to 80% of all other anime characters in general? Check. Speed lines during action scenes because the guys using CG to make the whole show got lazy? Check. Absolutely nothing unique about anything in this show? Check. They made the tit's and ass look good I suppose which in all fairness is pretty much the only thing the anime is about so that keeps it from getting a 1/10 but it's still not very good, next topic. Sound 1/10: First stop the music, it's incredibly generic to the point where you don't even realize it's there, it's not terrible mind you, it's just kinda there. It doesn't help that a lot of the time the overall mood of the song being played doesn't fit the scene well over half the time, this is what I like to call "lazy placement," they knew they needed background music so they got some standard fantasy tracks and slapped them where ever they thought it was too quiet. As for the voice acting, the dub is atrociously bad, I've seen fan dubs where every character (of both gender) were voiced by the same guy in his basement, don't watch it... Then again the sub isn't much better, it's one of the only subs where the fact I don't understand the language stopped me from realizing how bad the acting actually is. Maybe the acting could have been better if the writing wasn't so pathetic, I haven't seen writing this bad in quite a while, at least it does kinda distract from how bad the entire show is by being so bad you laugh at it. Character 2/10: Actually some of the character development is fairly good, like when the main character witnesses some horrendous poverty and famine within her own lands and decides to do everything within her... Nope, never mind, they kind of forgot about that like a minute later. See the problem is the characters actually did have a lot of opportunity for character development and depth but it usually only last for like half an episode and then the character seems to completely forget about it and continue on happy as a clam with no problems. Probably because people would have a hard time fapping to character depth and thus just continue to focus on tit's and ass. I swear they should have just called this show "tit's and ass with sword." I give characters higher than 1 for have potential but not by much for doing fuck all with it. Enjoyment 1/10: You know what I could be watching that's better than this show? Fucking anything! This show is porn without being as fun to watch as porn, I have plenty of place to watch actually porn Queen's Blade, if I was in the mood to jerk off I'd go there, not watch your half-assed attempt at making a hentai you can make more money off of by claiming it to be a real show so it's shown on TV. I watched it online so you made no money off me what-so-ever to begin with so eat my shit. Overall 1/10: What more is there to say? It's a completely crappy show that had a minimal amount of potential with the characters that it never exploited like it was afraid that it might raise to at least the level of mediocrity, like it's somehow allergic to not being complete shit that someone who isn't aware of any actually porn site can jerk off to. Bad show Queen's Blade, ya should have just gone full out porn, at least then you could hide behind the excuse that the show is just meant to be porn and not reviewed seriously.

I would not normally write a review for a series like Queen's Blade, because I feel like it is not a series you need to read reviews on. It's either your cup of tea, or it isn't. However, reading through existent reviews, I feel like this show isn't getting the credit it deserves. Now, when people are saying this show is nothing more than giant boobs, bigger boobs, not clothes, and violence, they aren't kidding. This is pretty much as close to hentai as anime can get. However, I can't speak for everyone, but I can tell you I would certainly go insane if everyshow I watched was a mismatch of psychological jargon and plot development like Ergo Proxy or Boogiepop. Sometimes, you need a show like Queen's Blade or Ikkitousen, that has no plot at all. What it does have, is incredible art; studio ARMS has yet to fail me. Aside of Nitro+, they are probably the most polished studio out there right now. Queen's Blade is beautifully animated, and that said, the action sequences are pretty freaking awesome. Any action fans will be pleased with this. I haven't seen action scenes I enjoyed this much since I watched Karas. All said, Queen's Blade is great to watch if you don't really want to pay attention. It's pretty much plotless, but for something in this vein of anime, that is probably for the best.

Right off the bat I have to say this a guilty pleasure of mine and I enjoyed watching this a lot. After seeing clips and trailers online, I wrote it off as an immature, stupid anime that just served as an excuse to show a lot of nudity. After watching the first couple of episodes, this was definitely confirmed (the protagonist has her clothes melted by ooze that shoots from an opponent’s breasts literally in the first scene, by episode 3 you’re watching what is basically a lesbian sex scene in a goo pit). However, I found myself thoroughly entertained, amused, and laughing allthe way to the end of the series. I compare Queen’s Blade to an ecchi equivalent of a Michael Bay movie. It is not subtle. It is over-the-top, dumb, shallow, and lots of fun. It does not make any attempt to be anything else and makes it clear up front what kind of anime this is with no shame. I found myself more and more awed with how blatant the camera would focus in on a character’s breasts or buttocks during a conversation, the obvious suggestive posing, the excessive nudity, the ridiculous outfits, and the exploitative fight scenes. Let’s not get into “milk” spilling. It is like the creators wanted to see how far they could go creating an anime without it being classified as hentai. Other anime sneaks in this kind of fan service sparsely. The result usually makes me roll my eyes, especially in serious anime where this feels out of place and cheap. In Queen’s Blade, they turn this to 11 and stay there from beginning to end. It literally had me laughing at parts as characters were introduced with costumes consisting of less and less material. I also have to point out the great character design. Yes, they’re all excessively provocative and leave little to the imagination, but you can’t fault them for lack of originality. The aforementioned breast-acid girl, Melona, has hair shaped like hands that cover her breasts. The hands are ‘alive’ and operate Melona’s breast to aim and fire acid (WTF? I couldn’t stop laughing). Where else can you find that kind of creativity in an anime? Another character, Echidna, has a living snake that serves as her underwear with obvious phallic innuendo. Again, this series has no shame and it is impressive. It is this kind of character design that elevates the characters and story for me that would otherwise be somewhat shallow. The premise of a fighting tournament with main characters traveling place to place fighting new opponents could be boring, but coupled with the ridiculous character designs and fight scenes, I became invested. I was actually interested in protagonist Leina’s journey as she had to learn to become a fighter while traveling the world and meeting all of these wacky people. She has a weird relationship with her sisters, particularly Elina, which I found entertaining. I also liked clumsy angel Nanael, in other anime I find this type of character irritating, here, she fits in. Later episodes focus in on the villains hanging out together, which is interesting to watch and funny. Another thing I totally appreciated was the lack of male characters. I have a particular bias against harem-style anime and the tropes that come along with them. I would have definitely not been able to watch this series had it been about a male character with all these women throwing themselves at him while he did his damnedest to turn them down for no logical reason. Having a female dominated cast (I think the only male with significant screen time is that one boy) is one of the strengths of this series. Since the main draw here is the nudity and girls, the series could have easily cut corners on production value. They did not, and for what it is, Queen’s Blade has above average animation and sound. The art is very good, the female characters are attractive, and the action scenes are well done. The music wasn’t bad either. I had the theme stuck in my head for weeks. Voice acting is good and the English dub was also very passable. Although I can appreciate a dumb, over-the-top action film, that doesn’t mean a mean an anime or film can be good just by being overly bad or stupid. Using Michael Bay as an example again, a lot can go wrong with the execution (first Transformers: entertaining, the rest: bad). I usually hate anime like Queen’s Blade, but in this case I feel they execute the premise very well with high production value. Queen’s Blade is the type of absurd that I have no problem getting in to. Queen’s Blade is definitely not for everyone. I can understand why a lot of people probably can’t get over how stupid and fan service-oriented it is. It is a guilty pleasure of mine and I’m not even sure if it intentionally was supposed to be as funny as it was. But in with the right mindset, I think you can enjoy Queen’s Blade and have a lot of fun watching it.

This is a very simple review and I don't claim to be going in-depth here. Queen's Blade is often mocked for its over-the-top concept and stupid, pointless exposure of nudity at random and possibly inappropriate times, but what must be taken into consideration when watching this anime is not the expectations for a rich story with deep backgrounds and a complex plot, but the kind of expectations you might take into watching a comedy instead. It's very enjoyable to watch when you start to laugh at the extremely predictable scenarios and just accept that it is a shameless, funny ecchi really. The fights aren't toospectacular, but at least they don't drag on for multiple episodes like some anime. The fights are quick and often only result in characters losing clothing, so also comedic. Like I said, think of it as more of a comedy than an action anime or an ecchi. The characters are nearly all unique and have their own quirks which makes them laughable and likable, though with that being said some of my favorite characters got very little screen time, but still. The art is fair. There are few deformities and the characters look great. There is quite limited effects overall though and not too much action even in the fights so I suppose what little animation they did do has been done well. The soundtrack and voicing is enjoyable too, though repetitive, it undoubtedly fits the scenes and characters which is ultimately what sound is there to do. The music in particular is quite epic and memorable. Overall it is worth watching but try to think of it as a comedy rather than an action, adventure or ecchi anime and it will be a much more enjoyable watch.