Elfen Laid

Overview: It's 2 days until Valentines Day! That means I'm going to be looking at some romantic "Adult" anime for young couples to watch together! What's more romantic than watching Teutonic Knights rape, torture, and slaughter elves? Few things get me more in the mood! Well besides doing my tax returns...or trimming my toenails...or virtually anything else. This bizarre work of Elvish torture porn was released internationally by Media Blasters under the title "Elfen Laid". You just have to love Media Blasters and their awful porno spoof titles. The philosophy of Hentai: Hentai is kind of odd. Certainly not because it involves drawings of sexual activity. Every humanculture on the planet has at some point decided to draw or sculpt people fucking. It's odd because art smut overwhelmingly leans towards more softcore style. It serves to instruct young people about sex, masturbation, oral pleasure, etc while also getting them excited. Hentai tends to be MUCH more rough and hardcore. I think a lot of us have similar stories when it comes to hentai. I was 13-14 and starting to go through puberty. I just discovered what sex was. I discovered I like naked ladies, and I loved anime. Wouldn't it be awesome if something combined all these things? Maybe there will be some DBZ hentai with Gohan making sweet love to Videl or Krillin going down on 18! In the world of doujinshi, that's exactly the kind of stuff you usually get. If you thought that's what animated hentai would be like...you'd be wrong! Here's is more what hentai is actually like on average. A 56 year old salaryman abducts a 14 year old school girl and takes her to his basement of doom. He slowly flays off bodyparts one by one and keeps her alive by forcing her to eat his vomit. Then he transforms into a monster for no reason and rapes her until she explodes into red paste. I have no idea why the hentai market is the way it is. However, I do find it fascinating from a psychology perspective. Firstly, I would guess that the people buying hentai DVDs and keeping the hentai market alive in Japan are significantly older than the kids looking up hentai in most of the world. I would also guess that many of these guys are VERY sexually frustrated and see this as a productive way to vent thier anger and frustration while not hurting any real women. This is similar to Japan's official explanation as to why it allows Lolicon to remain legal. It allows people's darkest desires to be displaced onto fictional 2D girls, so nobody is harmed. Plot: The hentai opens with some crusader knights burning down an Elvish village and raping the women while slaughtering everyone else. Jesus Christ! This anime starts with hardcore rape before you even have time to shout "Deus Vult!" Two elvish princesses are spared and one is forced to be a general for the crusaders or else her sister will be killed. While the older sister is out killing her own people, the underage sister is being brutally raped by prison guards. This leads to severe laceration of the vaginal and anal tissue and very heavy bleeding. You know, because vaginitis and hematomas are sexy! The leader of the crusaders then decides to rape the big sister and the sex is so good (for him at least) that he decides to let the sisters go! The end. No seriously, that's the ending. Art: This is one butt ugly anime. Who in the fuck made this atrocity? Unsuprisingly, this was a Sudio YOUC production. These happen to be the same gentlemen that made "Sextra Credit" and "Milk Money". They sure love their gore and rape at YOUC. Overall: Firstly, I will state that I was probably not the intended audience for this one. Maybe if you're a hardcore sadist that also loves Tolkien high fantasy, this is a great hentai. I personally did not find this one very arousing. I think my dick retreated somewhere into my stomach. I was also not a fan of the knight commander's inexplicable face turn at the end. I don't feel that was really earned. As for a final grade...I'm going to have to go for a 1. I feel like not only was nothing of value achieved, but that you really can't do that much worse. I've seen a LOT of bad anime and I feel I'm qualified to say, this was a pretty bad one. So...umm....Happy Valentines Day!!!