Cyber Team in Akihabara

For better or worse, they sure don’t make them like this anymore! Cyber Team in Akihabara is a magical girl/mecha hybrid that attempted to throw absolutely everything at the wall to see what stuck. This was an entirely original IP and not based on manga, LN, game, etc. Satoru Akahori of Saber Marionette fame had this vague idea about a team of middle school girls who each had adorable animal robot companions that would transform into busty, magical girl cyborgs and fight robots controlled by the bad guys. Just that idea alone managed to get this series greenlit…somehow. This series is extremely messy in everyregard, but it actually ends up being rather endearing. The first thing that you’ll notice watching Cyber Team is that it can’t at all decide on a tone or an audience. Is this a magical girl series being played mostly straight? Is it a parody? Is this really for little girls or is this for the male otaku who glommed on to stuff like Minky Momo in the 1980s and were like the Showa Era version of Bronies? If you watch the first 5 episodes, you will have NO idea. Many anime series will rapidly shift between hard hitting drama and goofy comedy, but you can still tell if it’s primarily a drama with some comic relief or a comedy that happens to have some serious moments. With Cyber Team, you’ll seriously be left scratching your head for the first half of the series. The show is far too saccharine and kiddy to be primarily aimed at adults, but the fanservice gets downright gratuitous. Fortunately, this is limited largely to the first half. God the beach episode is bad! Sailor Moon was for young girls and had fanservice, but it would be dishonest to compare the two. Sailor Moon was the reverse of the “thousand-year-old loli dragon” cliché. The Sailor Senshi are supposed to be young so the target demographic will identify with them, but they’re all drawn like runway models in their early 20s. Sailor Moon was not “loli bait” whereas Cyber Team unfortunately has that issue for at least part of its runtime. This leads to speculation that little girls were not the only demographic and perhaps weren’t even the primary demographic originally envisioned by the production team. After all, creepy otaku dudes have way more spending money to buy figurines and merchandise, so aiming stuff at them was quite lucrative back when Japan still had a large population of people under the age of 50. Also, the guy who ended up being the director of this mess wasn’t the original creator, but the man behind countless hentai and Master of Martial Hearts! I wouldn’t put ANYTHING past that guy. The studio behind Cyber Team is Ashi Productions, who peaked in the 1980s and were WELL past their prime when this was made in 1998. Despite being an Ashi anime, this really feels like a Studio Arms production. The director primarily made hentai for Studio Arms. Most of the animation staff later went to Arms to work on hentai. The chief character designer ALSO transferred to Arms, where 6 years later he was the lead character designer for an anime called Elfen Lied. You may have heard of it. So how is the animation quality? BAAAD. Most episodes of Cyber Team look like absolute garbage. Fortunately, there are a couple episodes near the very end that look surprisingly decent. At this point, you may be wondering why I didn’t just give this a 2 or 3? Everything I’ve said so far makes this anime sound absolutely wretched. When you try to hunt down reviews of this thing, the very few that exist in English mostly tend to reach that consensus. In a darkly comedic twist, the only full review available on Youtube is from a critic named “Mr. Anime”. This dude ended up murdering his entire family and is serving a life sentence, but his reviews are still up on Youtube…somehow. They aren’t even reuploads. This is his original channel! Imagine a piece of media being SO fucking obscure that to get a critical opinion on whether or not to watch, you have to listen to the advice of a mass murderer. “Gee, I’m really on the fence about whether or not to rent Paddington 2. Is it really worth a 5-dollar rental? Let’s see what Anders Breivik thought of it.” Despite the negative review by Mr. Anime and a truly abysmal MAL rating, this anime does do some things right. The first thing you will hear when you start an episode of Cyber Team is the vocals of Masami Okui, who among other things sang the OP to Revolutionary Girl Utena. It’s not just the OP and ED that are certified bangers. The entire OST is surprisingly pretty good! The music is by Shinkichi Mitsumune, who also did the OSTs for FLCL and Revolutionary Girl Utena. That’s the second time I’ve mentioned Utena in one brief section, but the connections don’t end there. Cyber Team was airing at the same time as Utena and for some reason, appears to completely change course throughout its 26-episode runtime to become more and more like Utena. While Cyber Team isn’t able to deliver its message and themes with the grace and brilliance that Utena does, it still ended up being a show that taught girls to not just wait on a prince to rescue them and forge their own path. The main character ends up going on a dramatic and satisfying character transformation from an utterly incompetent and helpless bystander to an independent spirit who is able to stand up against a powerful prince over 100 years her senior. In case you were wondering, the prince is so old because the plot ends up involving an immortal group of alchemists who control society from the shadows and are planning on a revolution to achieve the next stage of Mankind. Did I mention this show gets weird? Once again, Cyber Team doesn’t stick the landing is cleanly as Utena did. However, a show that started out as a hopelessly confused, loli bait mess ended up delivering a solid message and emotionally satisfying second half. Even Utena learned to appreciate its awkward younger sibling. The Utena and Cyber Team movies premiered on the same day and an official audio crossover CD was released in a 1999 issue of Animage Magazine as a means to promote both series' respective fims. This would have its own little original story where the cast of Cyberteam end up Ohtori Academy and interact with the Utena cast! You heard that right. Utena, one of the most respected and critically acclaimed anime ever made, gave daps to fucking Cyber Team! Japanese anime magazines at the time also featured Cyber Team and Utena side by side, so they likely retain a connection in the minds of anime fans in Japan. Speaking of which, Cyber Team was fairly popular in Japan. It had multiple drama CDs. It got a movie that was actually released in theaters. It got TONS of magazine coverage. My girlfriend collects old anime magazines that she imports from Japan in order to scan and archive unique art from those magazines. Cyber Team is on the front fucking cover of Newtype. It got more fan art and unique magazine art advertising it than Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, and of course my beloved Elfen Lied combined. Even though the latter 3 are very famous anime outside of Japan and Cyber Team…is Cyber Team. Is Cyber Team in Akihabara an absolute mess of a show? God yes, it is. Should you still give it a try? I mean, it devotes an entire episode to the comic relief villains going to a hot spring inn so they can bond and work together better as more effective baddies. This anime is so bizarre that it demands your attention. I was kept guessing throughout the entire 26 episode run. You can never guess where on Earth this series is going. It’s not like anything else that you’re ever going to watch. Does that automatically make it good? Not really. I think “good” is probably being a little too generous. However, it is a fascinating series that ends up trying hard enough to become endearing and win over even some of the most jaded viewers. Provided that you’re able to make it past the first 10 episodes of course.

STORY ADG was another series with hopes of standing out by mixing a bunch of genres, and another example of how stupid it turns out to be when you think that all it takes is shoveling ideas without planning ahead. It had no idea of what it was trying to be about, jumping from one genre to another without ever utilizing their full potential. Here is what I mean: - It has cute girls going to high school and doing the usual teenage stuff we see in Slice-of-Life. Looking for romance, fame, learn to cook, clean, dream about the future and the like. But they didn’t reallymanage to accomplish any of those. None got into a serious romantic relationship or clearly improved at something social. - It promotes karaoke and pop idols. But none of the girls chased the carrier of a pop idol. And the girl who already was one, remained stale at it. - It has cute little robots, called Patapi, transforming into busty, fighting chicks that protect the world. People keep talking about them all the time, showing us a proxy battle story like Digimon or Shaman King. But it never gets into fanatic proportions, in order to brainwash us into blindly liking them. - It has girls transforming into powerful heroines and fighting an evil hidden organization in very repetitive and predictable ways, like in Mahou Shojo series. But it never exploits this aspect, as the battles are short and lame. - It has numerous sleazy jokes about boobs and old men peeping at panties, like in any Ecchi series. But it never goes too far and mostly repeats the same pattern, thus failing to be interesting for long. - It has some Drama and Dementia aspects, as some characters have really messed up pasts. But none of these manage to absorb you, since they last too little and are almost abandoned from a point on. - It has several Mysteries and Metaphysical overtones revolving happiness, God and the Apocalypse. Quotes from the Bible keep popping up. Names and concepts from several mythologies and civilizations keep being used. Goals like world peace, immortality, the evolution of mankind and salvation of the soul are mentioned. But they are all presented in such vague ways that you eventually don’t care about them. - Episode 22 is dedicated solely into explaining every mystery in just 20 minutes. It’s a huge infodump that makes you more confused than satisfied. - Robots, Nanomachines, space stations and several more provide a Sci-fi aspect as well. You get a scientific explanation about everything supernatural in the story but they could easily dub it “magic” without much worry. I admit this mix was very interesting and the story did try to explain everything. But in the end, it was a bunch of irrelevant ideas that went to waste. Nothing managed to truly stand out in all this mess and the ending was very disappointing. CAST - All characters are stereotypes. You can find the same archetypes in 99% of anime. Just a quirk in behavior, a vague backdrop story, a different hair color and you’re done! None has a strong presence, none matures much and none really has real catharsis in the end. - The villains outshine the heroines. They had goals, they had a decent story, drama, ideals, a twisted vision of aiding humanity. What did the heroines have? Tits and pink panties. You choose… ART - Not only the series shows its years but it also has a minimalistic way of depicting objects and people. The colors are generally bright, human figures are drawn with only essential details and everything gives off a feeling of silliness. The only realism you will find in it, are the real photographs of historical events and of medieval drawings the animators scanned in some backgrounds. - On the good side, there are numerous occasions where the background has interesting artwork (laboratories, space stations) and the characters interact with it in very likable ways. Be on the lookout for the (usually silly) things the characters will be doing with their surroundings. - About the girls: Really big eyes, really short skirts, really dumb looks. The high school girls look like 10 year-olds, as a cheap way to be moe enough for both male and female viewers. And they wear all those corny big ribbons, fluffy cloths and shiny leathers that most series use as fetishes. There is a lot of focus on their boobs and underwear as constantly presented fan service. Generally, the animators present the girls as male sexual fantasies without ever going too far into spicy territory. - About the boys: Who cares! This is a girl series! Males like fathers, male students and politicians were used just for more sex jokes or for serious events. The main villains in the story are in fact men; both dreamy males and sinister middle aged dudes. But they will look so generic that you will not care about them. - About the mecha and the monsters: Pathetic! They are ugly and crudely drawn. The best ones are the Divas and the Valkyries just because they look like sexy female warriors and not because they pack some serious equipment. - There are lots of stills, repeated transformations and ridiculous deformity that really turns you off during the battles. Facial expressions lack vividness, body movement lacks liveliness. You clearly won’t watch the series for its action or special effects. SOUND - Very good voice acting as each character was talking with a distinctive tone of voice and was using a different form of dialogue. But it’s all wasted because of the crudely drawn characters and their silly grimaces. And you must bear some really lame high-pinch voices and Patapi squeks. - Most songs were J-pop trash about teenage girl romance bull. The series promotes karaoke and pop-idols but using them during singing scenes was really out of place since there was complete lack of lip-sync. The rest were quite atmosheric, as they were serious and eerie, and they were used during serious moments and important revelations. - Sound Effects are as pathetic as the visual effects. You can easily skip those. FINAL THOUGHTS If I hadn’t watched any other successful genre-mixing series, I would probably like it far more. But since I have seen those in my Suggestion List, this title has nothing to offer. There is also a movie sequel to the series but don’t expect anything more. That weird space station is to no-good and the girls are sent to save the day again. The animation is far better and the silly-looking characters look a bit more serious and matured. But it is still the sequel to a series about cheesy battles, lame heroines and a metaphysical but terribly killed-in-presentation main idea. Shoo! Away with it! VERDICT: 3.5 / 10 And then the naked girl rides her mechanical Pegasus and teleports to the pink volcano where the spinning tomato keeps singing about how small the porridge was one second ago. It picks its nose with the tail of a grape and… What? The story sucks? But it has so many interesting ideas! SUGGESTION LIST Successful multi-genre-mixing series: The Vision of Escaflowne and Brigadoon. Successful mix of Mecha with Religion and Metaphysics series: Neon Genesis Evagelion, Ghost in the Shell, Zegapain, Ergo Proxy, Argento Soma, Betterman, Soul Taker and Rahxephon. Successful Mahou Shojo series: Princess Tutu, Sailor Moon and Card Captor Sakura. Successful Pop Idol series: Looking For The Full Moon and Perfect Blue. Successful Kids-paired-with-monsters series: Digimon.

What did I just watch? Art 3/10 First, let me address the elephant in the room, yes, the ecchi elephant who is charging people for the chance to look up her skirt. A genre this anime definitely belongs in is "ecchi" category because for a magical girl anime where the main characters are five 12 year old girls there is a surprising amount of fan service including panty flashes, bouncy boobs, and that thing where a girl is taking a bath and the steam covers her nipples and vagina. Normally, I like fan service as much as the next guy, but, considering these are 12 yearold girls were talking about, this is more uncomfortable then sexy. Seriously, I cringe whenever they do a panty flash. Besides the ecchi scenes, the other problem I have with this anime is the fights scenes in this anime are terrible. They only ever last about a minute and even then they're choreographed so that heroes and the monsters only exchange two or three attacks before the fights over. Furthermore, why is there a villain whose power is she shoots lasers out of her nipples?! Characters 3/10 I didn't find anything likeable about the five main characters. Hibari only ever talks about friendship and "the handsome prince of her dreams"; Tsugumi's only character trait is that she's a tomboy; Kamome loves money; Suzume has this redundant way of speaking like she ends all her sentences with "I do indeed"; and Tsubame barely says anything. However, the thing that really kills me about this anime is the villains. Theses are some of the stupidest and most incompetent villains I've ever seen. Jun, Miyama, and Hatoko (collectively called "the three crazy ladies") are always trying to steal the girls patapi for their boss, Master Shooting Star, and summon monsters to fight with. The reason I think they're so stupid, however, is that: first, when they get defeated do they go back to their evil hideout to plan they're next evil plan like other villains? No, they actually have normal lives when they aren't being evil. Jun works at an office, Miyama is a college student, and Hatoko is a pop idol. Second, do they have some cool suit-up sequence for when they transform into their villainous alter egos? No, they just get changed in a locker room. I really don't know if this is supposed to be a satire about superheroes or maybe it's suppose to create realism, but either way it doesn't work. Story 7/10 The story for the anime was confusing at first and just felt like another monster-of-the-week story, but when everything is explained in the shows later episodes it really does come together and makes sense. There's even a big twist as to who the real villain is and what his plan is. However, one thing that boggles my mind about this anime is: why is it the girls patapi that transform and not the girls themselves? Wouldn't this be like if in Sailor Moon it was Serena's cat and not Serena who transforms. Overall 4/10 I have no idea if this anime was meant to be a parody of magical girl anime or if it was suppose to cater to adults with lolita complexes, but either way it just doesn't work. The only good thing about this anime is that almost reaches that level bad where it's so bad it's funny, but it even fails at that by actually having a good story.